This Trick Called Love
by Not that way never go that way
Summary: What if, instead of Mabel, Bill chose to place Ford in the prison of subconscious wish-fulfillment? (A Rom-Com for all of your fluffy BillFord needs.)
1. Quit Flirting, We're In The Apocalypse

You're being fooled.

Ford had to repeat this to himself far too many times. He was sick of it. He was sick of Bill's lies and of fighting through seemingly endless waves of weirdness, absolutely nauseous at the prospect of continuing to live life here, on earth, the same way he had for all those decades while lost in the nightmare dimension; dealing with Bill.

Protect yourself from Bill, get that metal plate locked in. Protect your family from Bill, protect your dimension.

And the nightmares of the betrayal, running on repeat every night, getting worse every time. When he'd tried to get rid of Bill during the Apocalypse, all it had managed to achieve was to destroy the journals and alert the demon of his presence. When he'd been caught, refusing to join him and his band of freaks, Ford had been placed into the most torturous prison that Bill could manage to create. A prison filled with one's deepest desires, so he would never want to leave.

He knew how this place was supposed to work. So why? Why this?

Taking an unsure step toward the brand new-looking shack, Ford proceeded forth to face whatever temptation this prison had to offer. All he had to do is not give in. Dipper, Mabel, everyone was going to need his help to stop this apocalypse from happening. He had to get out of there as soon as possible, and confronting the dream directly was his best chance at figuring a way out.

Still, as he opened the door and walked inside, he couldn't help but wonder once more why he was here, in this time. What worried him most was what it meant. Bill could be here. Maybe the demon wanted to play with his mind and torture him before getting rid of him. Even after that thought occurred, it remained that he wasn't anywhere near being prepared for what he saw when he reached the portal in the basement.

Bill floated there, watching him. _"Well, heya there, Sixer! Long time no see! Hah, I'm kidding. You just barely saw me."_

Nope. Not in here, like this. It was too much like in the nightmares, in the memories. "You don't belong here, Bill." Ford glared at the triangle, anger written all over his face. "Shouldn't you be busy taking over the world?"

Without any hesitation, the pyramid floated closer, circling him. _"Yeah, sure, I'm doing that. I'm also here, doing this."_ As he spoke, his body changed into...well. A body. A human body with blond hair, an eye patch, yellow suit, a top hat, a cane, all of these incredibly human things. A face that held expressions that Ford could potentially learn to read. The only thing that truly reminded Ford that Bill was not indeed a human was the odd glow his skin gave off, the same glow he'd had when he was without a body, and his unusually shaped irises.

 _"Oh, don't give me that look, I know you like it. No. Really. **I know**."_ The man who should not have been a man spoke, smirking cockily as he floated seamlessly through the air. _"As soon as you got here, this prison has been scanning your subconscious brain for desires and can you believe it? This was one of the many similar ways you fantasized I would look like if I were a human."_ He straightened out his tie and examined his suit, admiring it. _"You sure thought a lot about me, Fordsy. I'm beginning to think someone had a crush."_

He was right, of course. Ford had spent a great deal of time thinking about Bill, and he never truly stopped. At first it was because he thought he was understood and accepted by Bill, and then because he was paranoid as all get-out that the dream demon would somehow find a way to hurt him a second time. He couldn't allow it to happen, after all this time, all this effort. Bill could not win.

"That was a long time ago."

 _"Time is dead. Besides, I wouldn't be here if you didn't still need me. The prison read your mind and now you get to spend eternity with me."_ Bill lightly placed a hand on Ford's hip, as though he'd done it before.

"No." Ford took a step back as he stared at Bill for a long moment, before running back up the stairs and out of the shack entirely. Away from Bill.

 _Why, oh why, did his ex-crush have to flirt with him, only now that the world was upside down and falling apart?_


	2. The King Who Would Be Man

Ruling the world wasn't as fun as Bill had hoped.

Sure, it was weird and that was great and all, but getting to the point of reaching his goal had been more fun than actually being in it, aside from the thrill of the beginning of the Apocalypse. He missed the mind games and trickery that he had to do to get there, and now he felt empty. Even partying with his band of freaks had stopped being fun.

Holding up the golden statue of Ford as he sat on the throne of terrified citizens, he thought about the good times. Messing with Ford's head had been his favorite part of the plan.

So why not do it again? Granted, there was no real agenda behind messing with him this time aside from relieving his boredom, but that didn't really matter much anyway. He needed to get his fix of good old-fashioned mind games with Ford, and what better way to do that than to unfreeze him and throw him in his most torturous prison?

That would get boring fast, however, so he changed the game a bit. Instead of watching as Ford fought against everything he desired to have, he decided it would be much more fun to trick him into thinking he wanted something that he didn't want, so into the prison, Bill jumped and began his manipulation. The fault was that he never quite realized how powerful the prison he'd made truly was.

Bill knew the world around him in this prison was very much subject to change according to the strength of Ford's subconscious will, he even had expected to be changed into a more human-like shape in order for him to be acceptable, which did happen. This body wasn't even that bad, Ford had put a good deal of thought into this, he supposed. Leave it to the brainiac to have subconsciously thought out the smallest details- Bill was actually impressed by the effort that was put into the creation of his new body.

Having a body was fine, interesting even, that was until it wasn't. Not long after Ford ran out, Bill fell out of the air unexpectedly, hitting the ground with a painful thump.

 _"Ow, hey!"_ Trying to stand up and wobbling a bit on his soon to be bruised knees, he tried to get back up in the air, unsuccessfully. He tried to summon a blue flame. Nothing. It wasn't happening. Finally, he gave a shot at opening a door out of the prison, and still got no reaction. He was stuck. As a human. Racing out of the basement and after Ford in a panic, he grabbed the man's wrist, forcing him to turn around and look. _"Sixer! What did you do to me?! Undo it!"_

"What in the world are you talking about this time?" Ford wrestled his hand out of the grip, glaring intensely at the panicked blonde as he pointed an accusatory finger.

Without hesitation, Bill pleaded with Ford, trying to appeal to his pity. _"I'm human now, you can't leave me like this! I don't know how to be human, you have to help me or turn me back!"_

"You know what? Both your arrogance and you ignorance for the feelings of those people, all those lives you're ruining out there _right now_ are what matter, not some...foolish mind game you seem intent on playing! You can never win, Bill, because no matter how powerful you get, even with a physical form, you don't understand what it's like to be human, you're weak because you've never had the experience of having your heart broken or having to deal with nightmares, those things make you strong and you just use them to manipulate those around you. That's what make you insufferable, that's why, no matter how much I cared for you before you betrayed me, you can never mess with _me_ again. So can't you just leave me alone?! Why do you have to torture me, what's your game now?" After his speech, Ford cooled down a bit, but still let that frustration with Bill hang in the air for both of them to see as he continued in a quieter tone, practically begging. "I know you're created by some subconscious desire, but I'm telling you, I don't want whatever it is you're here for. I want you to leave, so shouldn't this place have gotten rid of you already?"

Surprisingly to Ford, Bill actually had seemed hurt by what he'd said for a moment, before he shrugged it off. _"I don't have a clue how to change the prison as I am, you're the only one that can get rid of me, by giving my powers back! We can work out issues later, but right now there is a much more serious problem. I'm no longer omnipotent!"_ Bill reached out and grabbed at Ford's shirt, shaking him in a human gesture of his own frustration. _"You can't just punish me! I'm an illusion, I'm not real! Seeing me suffer will give you no pleasure!"_

Ford pried Bill's hands from his shirt, holding his hands tightly. Too tightly, it hurt. "Even as an illusion, you bring nothing but trouble."

 _"Ow! That hurts, Sixer! Let go!"_ The new human exclaimed, frightened for possibly the first time in his existence.

His pleas went unheard, Ford didn't let go. "You...you don't get to come here and trick me into trusting you again. Not after everything you did."

Bill began to jump in urgency, wanting to be free of the pain and yet not having the strength to get his hands out. _"Seriously, you need to learn some manners! Let me go! Pain is a lie but it hurts, make it stop!"_ His words came out fast, wanting to get them over with. _"I did spread chaos through the universe, but not anymore, I'm human, I'm human! What do you want?! Ow, ow, ow, OW!"_ He finally managed to get away and took a step back from Ford, shielding and protecting his hands from the man as though he might do it again.

Despite Bill's very human behavior, Ford wasn't buying it. He didn't want Bill there, so he wouldn't be there, unless... "I don't know what you're planning this time, but you're the real Bill and I'm not going to let you get away with anything in here. I control this world, not you."

Eyes widened and arms crossed as Bill stared at Ford, mock-offended. _"You really think that I would humiliate myself like this?!"_

"If it served your purpose, yes."

Bill snapped at that, not having been prepared to deal with the intensity of emotions that came with being human. _"It's the truth, I'm human, I can't do anything, I'm weak! I stand before you condemned to be a member of this lowest of species! A **normal** , imperfect, **human** being! At least show me how to be human, I can't do this by myself, I.Q.!"_

Ford's expression didn't change. "Either disappear, or let me out of here, Bill."

Exasperated, Bill threw his arms in the air. _"I have no powers! I'm ordinary, it's revolting! I'm not gonna make it, Fordsy! I'm already dealing with something human and I don't know what to do, my knees aren't functioning properly, they keep wobbling! What do you want to hear, I'm desperate?"_

Ford sighed, giving in a bit. "Fine. You want to learn to be human?"

 _"So you have been listening!"_

With a snap of the fingers, Mabel and Dipper, along with Sheriff Blubs appeared and looked to Ford, awaiting something.

"Put him in the town jail." Ford spoke first to the Sheriff, and then to the kids. "Keep an eye on him, he's a trickster. Mabel, check his knees when you get there, maybe get a doctor or something to look at him."

"Yes, sir!" They all spoke in unison and Bill looked at Ford, feeling betrayed.

 _"You can't do this to me, Sixer!"_ He cried out, but the Sheriff had already begun to escort him away from Ford, who was walking back toward the shack. _"You can't leave me with these apes!"_


	3. Mamma Mia

"There, there. You've got this, just try not to drink it from your eyes next time, okay?" Mabel encouraged helpfully, patting Bill on the back as he rubbed viciously at his eyes with a towel, Dipper laughing in the corner at him all the while.

"Pain isn't as hilarious to you as it was when you were possessing me, huh?" Dipper made his point with his eyes closed and arms crossed, having expected Bill to do such a ridiculous thing as attempt to drink soda from his eyeballs.

Ford watched the scene unfold through the slightly open door, not yet wanting to alert them of his presence, but jumped as Bill suddenly reached out for Mabel's hairpin and began stabbing and scratching at his own arm with it furiously, crying out in confused pain. The kids, alarmed, quickly began yelling at him to stop if it hurt so much.

 _"Aah! Why can't I just detach from it like before?! What's wrong with me?!"_ Tossing the pin to the ground in a fit, he held his pained arm with the other, glaring at it childishly as though it was his body's fault. To be fair, it was, indeed, his body's fault. _"T_ _hat pin isn't even a threat to my existence, it's shouldn't hurt that much!"_ He sniffled as Mabel went to pick up the pin, saying something about it not being nice to throw other people's things, before she reached out to examine his arm and see how much damage had been done.

 _"No!"_ Bill shouted, pulling his arm away from Mabel. _"Get away! You humans are exactly what caused this in the first place!"_

Mabel looked a bit hurt by the outburst, after all, she was only trying to help. Dipper noticed this and sighed, getting off the desk he'd been sitting on to look at Bill sternly. "You know, Bill, we can't help you learn to be human if you don't let us."

 _"Do you think I **chose** to be like this?! I-..I- what's happening?" _ Momentarily, Bill forgot about the pain in his arm to worry about something else, wiping at his face again with the towel. _"I-I can't see! My eye has ceased to function properly! I'm going blind, everything's blurry a-and my breath is unusual! I'm-"_ He hiccuped, _"I'm dying!"_

That was quite enough, Ford decided. He entered the room, shaking his head at Bill's antics. "Just calm down. Your eye is probably just trying to heal itself from all the rubbing you've been doing." The older man sighed, approaching Bill as the children stepped aside to allow him to take a look at the former triangle's current state.

It wasn't great. Bill had taken his eye patch off, which apparently hadn't been just for show, as it hid an awful scar over his eye that kept that eye completely out of order. Even aside from that, his face around his eyes was all red from the fit and the rubbing, his hair was incredibly messy somehow, and his arm was scratched up and still bleeding a little.

"Are you crying?" Ford asked, utterly shocked.

Bill looked up at Ford, obviously still upset. _"Come to humiliate me further, Sixer?"_

Ford replied by simply sighing again. He couldn't believe he was actually about to do this, but Bill had been right that it was his fault. He'd spent the last five hours thinking out all of the possible reasons why Bill would enter the prison and make himself vulnerable like this, and none of them were anywhere near as likely as the chance that Ford himself had simply created him out of some silly subconscious desire. The more he thought about it, the more reasonable it became. After all, he never had been able to move on from Bill's deception, and this could just be his own way of coping.

Making a Bill that couldn't betray him anymore. It was actually a kind of clever way for him to teach himself to trust again, if that's what this was. Of course, Bill wasn't going to leave him like this, he'd take it all away as soon as he thought he'd healed, but Ford was ready this time. He knew what was going to happen, so it wouldn't hurt to pretend to trust this, just a little. For now.

Regardless, the point remains that it was Ford's fault that Bill was even there, and he had to take at least some amount of responsibility for that. He wasn't going to stoop to the level of torturing an imaginary Bill for the sake of imaginary revenge. Technically, since he'd only just created him, this Bill hadn't even done all of those things.

Kneeling and grabbing Bill's arm carefully, he got a better look at the wound. The blonde man just continued to glare at him, allowing Ford to do whatever he wanted.

"Dipper, do you know where to get a first aid k-" Ford began to ask, but was presented with the kit he asked for before he could finish. Convenient. Opening up the kit and reaching for the neosporin first, he treated Bill's minor wound without another word, Bill watching him with fascination. Once the band-aid was on, he pulled Bill's sleeve back down and buttoned it, standing up and turning to the children.

"Thanks for watching him. It's getting late, you two should go to bed." He smiled as they ran off. They may be illusions, but they were still adorable kids.

He returned his gaze to Bill, who was coughing up another can of soda. The new human still hadn't figured out how to drink without it going down his windpipe.

And so the mind game begins once again, he supposed.


	4. This Prison Called Mortality

This prison was brilliant, Ford had realized.

Such an incredible invention- something that could gradually convince you to never leave, giving you everything you didn't realize you wanted. He intended not to fall for such a trick, and thus far thought he was succeeding, but his scientific mind had such the strong desire to test things out and take everything apart piece by piece that it hadn't yet occurred that the prison would have picked up on his love for puzzles and been using it against him.

Curiosity had gotten the better of him for the moment, and he'd decided to use a certain ex-muse as his number one test subject. How much would Ford's desire for Bill to understand what it's like to be human clash with his perception of Bill and the need for the characterization to be realistic to him? Of course, the prison would have to know that Bill must be convincing if it hoped to accomplish it's goal of making Ford accept the imaginary reality and stay by choice when the time came that he'd find a way to escape.

The first thing he needed in order to figure these things out should have been easier to obtain than it turned out to be. Considering that the prison supposedly followed his subconscious, Ford was confused by his own surprise at some of Bill's actions. If he'd been the one causing it, then should it not have been at least somewhat anticipated?

Apparently not.

While Bill's love for weirdness remained a factor of his persona, layers of human qualities behind it had already begun to surface. Rather than changing who Bill was, Ford had come to realize it must be he'd simply wished there had been more to him than the straightforward chaos he'd come to know as Bill.

The first 'human quality' Bill exhibited had been the most puzzling of all, thus far.

It hadn't been too long, perhaps two days after Bill's fit in the police station, before something particularly noteworthy happened. Ford had been writing down theories on how the prison worked almost as fast as he could think them up, spending nearly all his time asking Bill questions and comparing the answers to those of Dipper and Mabel's in order to figure out if there were any differences in the amount of sentience each illusion had been created with. Nothing had been particularly conclusive, as whoever had invented the term for sentience had unfortunately failed to create a proper way to gauge such a thing.

Frustrated, Ford decided to face the problem directly. What had he to lose? The worst that could happen was to end up talking in circles, so he approached the locked holding cell this morning with determination to get answers.

Ford peered through the bars and at the cell's sleeping occupant, considering his words carefully before speaking. "I've had enough games, Bill."

The figure's eye opened the smallest bit before he abruptly shot up, more alert than absolutely necessary as he hurried to put his eye patch back on and fix whatever part of his appearance may have gone askew in the night, obviously rattled by the sudden awakening. _"Me too! I'd like to get back to ruling the world and not having to experience a sense of non-existence and meaningless hallucinations for a minimum of 7 hours of every 24, so it looks like we both want the same thing! Wanna make a deal?"_

Ford narrowed his eyes at Bill. He wasn't going to take the deal, of course he wouldn't. "Deal?"

Bill approached the gate of the cell predatorily, hands on the bars and smirking. _"Yeah, sure! Just like the good old days! The two of us working together for one cause blah blah blah, shake my hand, spend eternity together, all your favorite reruns. I'll do everything within my power to help you break out from this prison, and you'll let me out of my own prison, capisce?"_

"Wait, that's it? You just want to be let out of the jail cell. What's your game?" Ford glared questioningly, being right not to trust the man in front of him.

Bill suddenly reached out from his cell, pulling Ford close as he spoke to him. _"You're a little slow on the uptake this time, I.Q., so I'll be blunt. You **destroyed my life** by making me mortal. I have to deal with pathetic human concerns such as sleeping and experiencing  back pain now, so yes, out of this cell, and if we could throw in a more..." _He tugged a bit more, getting them as close as the bars would allow, Ford too caught up to bother removing himself from the other's grip. _"-humane approach to my human lessons, it could really go a long way."_

"Deal."

For a moment, Bill didn't react. When he did react, it was with nothing proper for a while, just confused, startled stutters, which were exceedingly enjoyable for Ford to watch, so much so that it almost made him not regret having said it in the first place. Almost. Still, he wasn't exactly going to back out at this point.

"Yep." Ford lifted his hand for Bill to shake, but as it was being taken he found himself being kissed as well as the current hand-holding. It didn't last very long and it was uncomfortable with the bars in the way, but it felt more strange when Bill stepped away.

 _"You better hold up your end of the deal this time, Fordsy."_


End file.
